selling oneself but not by means of prostitution

Bored and work and here I am again putting my twisted, yet very rational thoughts down. I just finished alphabetizing an inventory of school supplies and archiving old files. Jesus Christ I hope I get into grad school next year or I might just die of a brain anurism caused by cerebral neglect.

Yesterday I witnessed a super awkward exchange between two people and it reminded me of how silly it feels when trying to sell yourself; specifically in an interview or in the dating world. This does not have anything to do with prostitution or the sex industry, don't get any ideas. I mean it IS a recession and these things tend to increase in numbers in hard times, but I do have some standards.

Of course, the awkward conversation I am referring to was in the dating world. Oh so painful to be on the outside looking in; knowing full and well that I have had many of those ridiculously- forced conversations so many times. Some of it isn't necessarily trying to sell yourself, but it's this strained "getting to know you" chat where people feel like they need to talk about their personality traits versus just having an easy and fluid conversation.

Basically what I observed/heard/okaaay, eavsdroppped on was a conversation that went something like this: Girl="I spent a bit of time in Spain and they don't eat until 11pm and everyone just stays up late, parties till 4 am, then roll in to work the next day like it's nothing." The response was Guy="Oh my god, I've never been but I would love to go to Spain; I mean, for the past two weeks that has basically been my life and I've just been doing great. Actually, I am so much more friendly when I am hungover." Girl="Yeah, there is so much fun stuff to do in Portland, I just really love this city." Guy="Yeah, I just love this city more and more each day and love the restaurants here, too. I especially love Mexican food like Por Que No." Girl="Really? No way, Por Que No is my absolute favorite!!" And on, and on, and on, and on.....

Christ on a cracker people; all this positivity and relativity makes me want to vomit all over my hipster cowboy boots. I would be really curious to see what would happen if people actually had honest conversations with each other. For instance when they Guy above said that he was "more friendly when hungover" (seriously dude, seriously?), I wish the girl would have really questioned this statement; would have really dug into why this guy is so happy when dehydrated and feeling like shit. His statement sounded like some "opposite-day" gamey bullshit to me. I mean, who really enjoys a hangover? That is why there are numerous things that have been invented to make it GO AWAY.

My point is that I feel like things could be so much cooler and interesting if people were just themselves, myself included. It's hard when you have been conditioned for years to smile and nod at crazy people when they are telling you absurd shit; I feel this is in order not to hurt their feelings or be the catalyst of their psychotic break. I personally don't want to get punched in the face and I strongly feel that this could have happened to me a million times if I said what was actually on my mind most of the time. To be honest or not? Hmm... it's a debate within myself yet to be determined....

I just don't know what to do with myself.

You know what is hilarious? Let me tell you; when people make accusations and/or assumptions that have no basis in reality. Unfortunately, this happens all the time! To the point where it becomes simply hilarious. Hilarious in the way that I am imagining taking sick pleasure in maniacally laughing while pulling out large chunks of my hair.

I will recognize and confirm that everyone lives in their own reality; I believe in post-modernism to an extent. However, I will also acknowledge that there are certain things that are simply true or false. For instance, "Little Johnny did slap his brother in the face" versus the alternative of "Little Johnny did NOT slap his little brother in the face." It either happened or it didn't. There is no arguing these kind of things (unless of course you are one of those special people that don't believe in Evolution which is a whole separate topic that would require a completely different blog entry). Anyhow, there is such a thing as absolute truth.

Here is an absolute truth for you: I do certain duties that are part of my job. I do what I have been instructed to do. I screw up sometimes. This is a fact. However, I do not purposely NOT do what I have been contracted to do. As a matter of fact, I have been running out of work to do because I feel like everything that I HAVE to do has been taken care of. I am bored, restless, and looking for things to do. Today I read about Nietzsche and then Greco-Roman pedastry for about an hour just because I had nothing else to do. Right now, I am writing this blog. I don't really have time to blog. Except for at work. Where I should be working.

So just a little while ago, I expressed to one of my coworkers that I was bored at work only to find out that there have been some accusations that Naomi is simply not doing her job. Accusations that I feel are not at all based in reality. If Naomi is bored out of her mind, how can she not be doing her work? If Naomi is constantly volunteering to do random things for the team, would she have an overwhelming workload? You are probably thinking; I could be doing everything except what I have to do. This is true, I could be doing this. However, considering I am already under the microscope in a big way, I am not going to purposely screw up by not doing what I need to do to retain employment/money/life/survival.

So, this brings me back to people that live in a world of their own making. This is okay. It's quite alright to live in a world where you adore peanut butter cookies, enjoy showing copious amounts of cleavage, love your pet gerbil, and are not a big fan of me. I'm cool with that. However, if part of your reality is based in false information you have created that I am not doing my job because you simply don't like me is NOT okay.

What can I do about this situation you ask? Oh, I have already tried to do several things. But here is the problem with people that don't live in everyone else's reality; they are not rational. You cannot reason with them or convince anything other than the original image in their head. Take Bush for instance; no matter how much information he got, he would never change his mind. Even if someone made the most compelling argument ever spoken, it would be ignored if it didn't align with his original thought process. Dichotomous thinking rules the little squigglies in their brain. You are either with them or against them. If it bruises their ego in any way, you can count on their dissent. You are either good or bad, rain or shine, right or wrong, black or or white.

How people got this way would be a great thing to know. Maybe we could prevent dichotomous thinking in future generations. Was it overly coddling mommies? Is it a genetic defect? Is it family that told them things like they were great singers when they sounded like a hoarse Kermit (see any American Idol try-outs). Friends that convinced them they were great leaders when they couldn't even formulate a proper sentence (parenthetical explanation not needed...).

Ah well. What can you do? Changing people is more than likely a losing battle. It definitely makes me feel better to know that these people are simply crazy and it's not to be taken personally. All you can do is take things in stride, laugh and smile...... HA! You think I actually mean that? On a more serious note, I am going to a Pilates class tonight for the first time in over a year because I think I might implode if I don't. It's either that or pulling out those large chunks of hair...

the easy-information-finding internet

Oh boy. I'm feeling like a major Cyberstalker. It's just sooooooo unbelievably easy to find information about people on the internet; it's like a chocolate cake (fresh out of the oven) just sitting by your bedside. Way too convenient.

Okay, so here is the deal; I have a little crush on someone that I don't know very well. I work with him, but not directly. So, what's the best way to get to know him? Ask him out? Get to know him better? Gradually let things happen? Oh no. This doesn't even register. My brain automatically goes to a few things: Google, Facebook, Myspace, etc. THIS WAY, you can find out if they are crazy/cool/interesting before trying to actually get to know them like a normal human being (used to do).

So, of course, I have looked this guy up and found out a couple things including a myspace music page and his blog. From these social networking sites I have discovered that my crush is: an articulate writer, a musician, very passionate about music, likes to curse a fair amount, I know the state where he is from, and I'm guessing he is probably single.

I feel so guilty about knowing these things!! I should not know that this guy is an articulate writer before hanging out with him, you know? What a fucking weird internet world we live in! Maybe this is the new way of the world, but it just feels kind of backwards. I really need to refrain from internet stalking but it's hard. Really hard. Why? Because it is in your face all the time, every day, and with no consequences. I fear that we are ruining relationships, and/or maybe idealizing them, before they can even begin by these easy cyber-interactions. Or, as in my case, "cybobservations."

Well, that's my deep thought for the day. Don't internet stalk. It's bad. Hmmkay.

be good to your bartender

After hitting up the Clinton Street pub and having a great time chatting and having a beer, Kate, Mary and I decided to go to the more "posh" Doug Fir and see some music in celebration of ol' Saint Patty's day. We arrived to find Mary's boyfriend, Drew, at the corner of the upstairs bar. After a few minutes observing the scene, it appeared that the bartender was severely annoyed with Drew and his friends for whatever reason. Drew kept apologizing for "bugging" the bartender. When Drew ordered 3 Mojitos for us gals, I thought the bartender was surely going to say something snide. But, he kept his mouth shut and just shot us a dirty look. YES, Mojitos are a lot of work to make (muddle, sugar, lime, mint, etc.) but this bar was NOT that crowded. Not to mention, it's your job and you might get hooked up (tips) if your attitude doesn't suck. Well, despite the amount of work this Mojito took, it tasted like crap. It was one of the most bland tasting Mojitos I have ever had.

Later on in this Doug Fir chapter, we were downstairs watching some live music and all of a sudden, I started to feel some immense stomach pains followed by nausea. I immediately went upstairs and puked up every thing I had eaten that day. Including some spicy Ethiopian food that does NOT pleasantly burn your throat when coming the other way. I went downstairs to tell the gals that I had to get out of this place, and Kate was feeling equally as bad. She was not as nauseated, but was having some very unpleasant symptoms right after our "Mojito." We left, walked outside to my car and chatted about how crappy we felt.

Just for the record, my puking didn't stop at the Doug Fir. By the time I got in bed, I could barely swallow. Kate stayed up watching LOST while trying to eat some food because she felt like she needed to get something in her system in order to avoid feeling crappy the next day.

The moral of the story here: I don't know what happened before we got there, but that bartender was pissed. And that mother-effer took it out on us with some magically poisoned rum or something. Ugh.

The other lesson though: Portland/Oregon service industry workers can really be shitty. If you act like that in the South, your ass is not going to get any kind of a tip. I come from a culture of people that will tip you extremely well, over the top even, if you have a good attitude. Even if your service is sub-par but you have a good attitude, you will be compensated well. But, if you are not even remotely friendly or pleasant, no tip for you. And being blatantly rude to a customer is a BIG no no! One would think that if you are in a recession, you would be extra polite and provide a great product/service in order to survive and keep customers. But, apparently some people enjoy that kind of behavior. Or just accept it. It's simply ridiculous to me.

For the record, I am yelping the hell out of the Doug Fir.

I just don't understand why it is so hard to simply be friendly in this world. You don't have to be over the top or even talk. Just NOT be a pill. Oh, and not poison people either.

Keeping up with "slutty" expectations

As some of you may or may not know, as of late, my blog has been referred to as "slutty." This is a comment I see as completely asinine but decided to turn lemons into lemonade by posting this fabulous picture of a waxing studio in Corvallis, aka home of the "Beavers!" Maggie and Ben, this one is especially for you two! Not to mention, you are both one of the few peeps who even read this damn blog! haha

I had a marvelous past weekend in Corvallis with my homies, Kelly and Ben. Corvallis is a super cute town with very friendly people. Some of them might neglect their armpits every once in a while or have a peculiar sense of decoration-style (compared to "posh" Portland coffee shops), but it is a very wholesome and comforting place to be.

In all of my genius glory, I decided to roll the window down in Kelly's car during a rainy ride to Eugene. Kelly's passenger side window hasn't rolled up since 2003 or something. Well, of course I neglected to remember this fact. Kelly wasn't very happy about this and scared me a little. She sort of got the mom voice with me. It's been a while since I have felt so guilty, haha. So, this resulted in myself using super-power muscles to pull her window back up. I really don't know how I did it but I figured, if some random dude in an OHSU parking lot can do it, so can I. We stopped in the middle of no-where and Kelly took these pictures of me straining to conquer a window.















Well, we ended up getting the window up to the best of our ability. Crisis averted. Anyhow, I
must go work out now with Maggizle (otherwise known as Gizzle on the blog circuit) and hope all is well with anyone who is taking the time to read this!!

adults?

I have an enormous headache today after last night's dance party. I was sitting down on the couch at the end of the night, and was getting the spins where you have to open your eyes really wide in order not to have a seizure or something. It's like a mini-unpleasant orgasm feeling. Does anyone know what I am talking about?

Right. Anyhow, every time I wake up with a hangover like this, it makes me feel like I am resorting back to college behavior or something. When I was in college, I thought that part of my entry into adulthood would include not being hungover anymore. I don't know why, I guess I just had this romanticized fantasy that hangovers would be replaced with gardening and burping babies or something. I maybe thought that after college, I would not have a need/desire to drink anymore because life would be so busy and full of sparkly and important things.

It's not that life isn't full of important things right now, don't get me wrong. I just always thought hangovers were for college students. That's all.

Well, now I am going to hopefully make my way to Pine State Biscuits where I will acquire a large mason jar of sweet tea and some greasy biscuits to make myself feel better. It's a few steps above the collegiate Bojangles run......

It's the plague!

Everyone and their mom is sick right now. People in my office are dropping like flies. And more importantly, I feel like shit now. My head is throbbing, I am having temperature changes, my nose is stuffy, and I am hocking up questionable microorganisms from my throat. This sucks. It scares me, too. I think about all those movies about incurable viruses and then the current threats that one of these days, the common cold virus is going to mutate into a big dragon beast that consumes everyone with a less-than-perfect immune system. Someone let me know when the dragon is coming so I can go and do a bunch of crazy and inappropriate things before I die!