"He needs to see some poo."

Oh boy today started off weird and it's not even 10 am yet! So, as you may or may not know, Maggie and I live off a very busy road. There is a lot of traffic, not to mention foot traffic. Translation: homeless traffic. We have a very large, awesome backyard that apparently just beckons people to it. So, occasionally the Mags and I will find things like empty food containers or other misplaced items in our backyard the next morning. It's a little creepy for me to realize that there was a stranger right outside my window in the middle of the night. Not so comforting.

As a result of the mini-presents we have been left (mostly garbage and such) we have "encouraged" our landlord to get started on that fence he has been talking about for almost a year now. No matter how many times we have told him about separate instances, there has been no talk/movement on that fence. He has come over and we've talked about "fence lines" but no calls to tell us, "coming over on the blankity blank to build that fence."

Well, this morning I was lounging at the crib and let Cheeky out to play in the yard and noticed that there was a seemingly empty white plastic bag on our sidewalk (to the back door). Well, as I bent down to pick it up I saw poo........... everywhere! It was all over the bag and bit and pieces on the sidewalk. Groooossssssssssssss!

Okay, so my first thought was; someone left their doggie-poo bag in our backyard (versus our accessible trash can) and just haphazardly threw it; then maybe an animal got a hold of it. However it was later that I noticed that our garden hose was not in it's place; where I always leave it. It was just thrown on the sidewalk next to the poo stains. Oh the horror! Someone must have taken a dump in a bag?! Dumped it on our sidewalk?! Tried to clean themselves and/or the poo with the hose?! Oh the horror......

Oh baby Jesus we need a fence. I can't have people taking dumps outside my window while I am slumbering in peace. So, after consulting with the Mags, I am going to call my landlord and see what he wants to do. Maybe mention the fence again for the millionth time. Oh and see if he can clean up the poo stains. I think he need to see some poo.

Let's diagnose you!

Today I stayed home sick. Yes, I was legitimately sick. During the whole of the day, I went outside once for about 10 minutes (to eat my lunch in the sun), checked my email several times, but mainly laid in my bed and slept. It is 7:15pm right now and the only social contact I have had has been with my roommate Maggie ever since she got home around 6:30. And, I have to say; having no social contact with anyone all day has been great! No polite smiles to strangers, no pleasantries to coworkers on the sidewalks, no double checks on my sweater to see if someone saw that I spilled food on it again, and no driving anxiety which often necessitates the giving of the bird to some reckless jack-ass. No, I was forced to do none of these things today because of my simple hermitage. Does this make me prone to agoraphobia? Or maybe true misanthropy? I mean, I always been deeply disturbed by the actions of many people and felt a general apathy towards lots of people. And if I am a misanthrope does that I mean I am a sociopath? Can I actually truly relate to people or is it just a pretend game to accomplish a means to an end? Sociopaths are usually serial killers, too..... uh oh. Am I going to be the next Bay Harbor Butcher? Whoa guys, this is a serious thought. I mean seriously, do I need medication? Should I see a therapist?

Hell no.

Not that I shouldn't see a therapist for other reasons. Actually I think everyone could benefit from going to talk to someone and gaining insight on themselves. But, back to the main idea here; diagnosing others.

Which brings me to my next monologue.....

Although I was a psychology major and work in mental health, I can't stand it when people in my field (mental health and/or social work) try to diagnose EVERYTHING. It's so obnoxious. First of all, in order to diagnose someone you have to gather lots of information and truly understand that person's motivations, emotions, and actions. That is an extremely tall order. Even with the schooling and education on diagnosing, different psychologists notoriously have different diagnoses for the SAME person because you know what? They are human and every individual has their own interpretations of reality. I find that a lot of therapists and mental health workers spend endless amounts of time trying to figure out the diagnosis of a person while simultaneously limiting their efforts in thinking about what they can do to help this person move forward, be more functional. I find it really repulsive that they are constantly feeding their "knowledge ego" (you know.... "I know more than you" ego) while forgetting what it is they are actually supposed to be doing professionally: helping someone.

Also, diagnosing someone is a label. A label that might enable or disable that person later on in life depending how the cookie crumbles. It is serious business. A lot of mental health providers that are so used to slapping labels and explanations on everything that they become desensitized to this process.

Anyhow, I am going to get off my soapbox now and leave you with a picture from one of my favorite movies regarding "mental health."

You know, maybe I really am a misanthrope but chances are that all my friends are too at one moment or another. Everyone has varying emotions, motivations and actions depending on the day. The only constant in life is change.

Brain Explosion and Other Issues

I have a massive headache and it feels like I just need to pump some water into my brain so that it will float a little better. Then maybe it would not feel like my brains are being slowly pushed out of my skull. Hmmm... I wonder what actually causes headaches. If you know, please share.

So, I am going through quite a crisis in my home life: I have two roommates who absolutely hate each other and both just love me. I try to get them together during calm times and encourage them to get along but it just doesn't work. They stare each other down and won't stay in the same room with each other for more than five minutes. They are constantly stealing one another's food and having spats over where they are going to sit in the living room. It really is getting quite redundant. It's started to make me very aware of dividing my attentions between them, too. I feel like if I spend time with one roommate, then I need to spend equal time with the other roommate so that jealousy doesn't ensue. So frustrating! And just when I think things might be getting better (like we have a few good days/moments), I hear them fighting and have to run over from where ever I am to break it up! I just hope they don't draw blood one day......

What can I say? Kitty and Chloe just have so much love to give and want to give it all to me! I don't understand why we all can't just be one happy family. Cats; they are so Alpha-ish..... all of them! Just Ridiculous. I love them though; they are such fascinating, beautiful and hilarious creatures.

Halloween is Awesome. Period.

I just love Halloween. You get to dress up and express yourself in any way; appropriate or not (I am personally not a huge fan of the slut look as it is over played and prefer the gory/scary/weird/creepy do's). You can come out of your shell and embrace your inner weirdo and no one questions you; you will get more questions not being dressed up (I personally love to harass people that don't dress up. It makes me mad that they can't embrace the evil!) What is not to love? There is endless amounts of candy, creepy music, and fun decorations that are not even remotely close to looking pristine (for those that appreciate the creative and not necessarily the expensive Christmas-like decor).

Halloween is during fall which is also an amazing time of year; the leaves are changing and chances are; you are too. Wink, wink. Don't I sound like Mr. Rogers?

Anyhoo, I had my taste of Halloween a few weeks ago at the infamous masquerade ball in Corvallis. It was loads of fun and I really think the halloweenish decorations and dressing up put people in a fab mood. I had a good time for many a reason....... See pictures above to get excited about this fantastic satanist holiday (envision Church Lady now too....)!!

The Blog Thing

Hello there people out in the computer sphere. I started this blog mainly because sometimes I have some things I really wish to share with others. Other times, I feel the need to write things down and dissect them so I don't feel so crazy inside..... (it beats crawling up in fetal postion in the corner of my bathroom floor).

Lately I have been very confused about life. I know everyone says that; blah, blah blah. You know, that quarter life crisis thing that everyone and their mom seems to be going through. But, the truth is that I have been confused for a long time. I mean a VERY long time. I think that I am just in a virtual state of confusion. I have never had a clear grasp on what I want to do with my life. How are you supposed to know what you want to do if you haven't experienced it yet? I have never really been sure about relationships.... I think I like someone, then I don't. I think I like someone, then they don't like me. I think I don't like someone, then I end up liking them only until it's too late.

All this confusion often leaves me in a state of stagnant blah-ness. Very stagnant. It can be hard even wanting to relate to others. Isolating can be good at times to clear your head but everyone needs social contact and isolating for too long begins to make me socially retarded. Everyone wants to share that human bond but it can be exceedingly difficult to relate to ANYONE, even those you thought were friends, at times. It's so easy to lose your faith in human beings when people's actions don't always promote love and well being. I just wish that I could see things more clearly sometimes with slightly more accurate insight. Maybe I should be constantly tripping on mushrooms so that I could be completely certain of the "epiphanies" I was experiencing and wouldn't be so damn confused all the time. So for now, I appreciate those few friends who really are a blessing in my life. I am fully aware of the fact that I will whine and moan until the end of my time, but I really appreciate these people more than I can express. Without them, I would be in a padded room by now.

A Sense of Accomplishment.

Cooking. When the final project comes out, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. It does not really matter to me whether the dish is amazingly tasty or not; it's always a learning process that you can use to gain information from to apply to future recipes. I really like everything about food; going to the grocery store, chopping up food, smelling food, the way it makes people happy.

I am not usually so positive about hard work (being a hedonist and all) but cooking really just blows my hair back. Thought I might share.