Panic attack ahhhhh!

So, I am supposed to go to Raleigh tomorrow and what do you know? It just so happens that in Portland we are getting more snow than in 10 years or something like that! Well, I have been watching the news and having more and more reasons to have multiple panic attacks. "cancellations till Tuesday, Southwest (my airline) canceling flights, freezing rain on top of feet of snow, "flight catching on fire in Denver" (the airport I connect at..... AHHHH! I can't stop watching the news and it is making me feel like an old granny complaining about every worry under the sun.

I am going to be super bummed if I don't get out of this town really soon. First of all, I have no food and no more money. I spent it all on Christmas presents with the intention of just eating at my mom's house for the rest of the month! I know.... total mooching 28 yr. old child. But, being broke is no joke. Christmas when you are poor, however is a joke.

Most importantly, I am really missing home right now. I just want to go back to the south. I can't tell you why but sometimes I really miss that assbackwards place. There might be a lot of stupid people there but there are less pretentious ones which I feel like I can appreciate at this moment in my life. I feel like lately I have been surrounded by people who think they are so smart, hip, interesting, and amazing. Maybe this is just people in general, but I do think it can be the side effect of living in a city. Everyone is competing with each other. Everyone wants to be the most fashionable, the most well-read, the most artistic, and the most "functional." Witnessing all of this competing gives me a goddamn headache. So, what ends up happening? I stay home. I spend a lot of time alone. And strangely enough, I like it. I have found lately that sometimes I am happiest when completely by myself with no expectations from anyone or anything at all. Maybe I am avoiding the world and all it's woes, but at least I am finding contentment somewhere..... even if it is alone at the moment.

So tomorrow I am going to have to gear up, ride the bus to the Max line and the Max line to the airport. That is, if my flight is still leaving PDX. I am not going to lie; I'm a little scared. This snow is no joke. I am packing my waterproof pants, face mask, extra socks, layering up, and bringing a variety of food. But I am even more scared of not being able to get home. I can only hope that I make soon.... I am really looking forward to seeing my mom and friends this week. And being in a place that is maybe a little less pretentious and a little more fun.