selling oneself but not by means of prostitution

Bored and work and here I am again putting my twisted, yet very rational thoughts down. I just finished alphabetizing an inventory of school supplies and archiving old files. Jesus Christ I hope I get into grad school next year or I might just die of a brain anurism caused by cerebral neglect.

Yesterday I witnessed a super awkward exchange between two people and it reminded me of how silly it feels when trying to sell yourself; specifically in an interview or in the dating world. This does not have anything to do with prostitution or the sex industry, don't get any ideas. I mean it IS a recession and these things tend to increase in numbers in hard times, but I do have some standards.

Of course, the awkward conversation I am referring to was in the dating world. Oh so painful to be on the outside looking in; knowing full and well that I have had many of those ridiculously- forced conversations so many times. Some of it isn't necessarily trying to sell yourself, but it's this strained "getting to know you" chat where people feel like they need to talk about their personality traits versus just having an easy and fluid conversation.

Basically what I observed/heard/okaaay, eavsdroppped on was a conversation that went something like this: Girl="I spent a bit of time in Spain and they don't eat until 11pm and everyone just stays up late, parties till 4 am, then roll in to work the next day like it's nothing." The response was Guy="Oh my god, I've never been but I would love to go to Spain; I mean, for the past two weeks that has basically been my life and I've just been doing great. Actually, I am so much more friendly when I am hungover." Girl="Yeah, there is so much fun stuff to do in Portland, I just really love this city." Guy="Yeah, I just love this city more and more each day and love the restaurants here, too. I especially love Mexican food like Por Que No." Girl="Really? No way, Por Que No is my absolute favorite!!" And on, and on, and on, and on.....

Christ on a cracker people; all this positivity and relativity makes me want to vomit all over my hipster cowboy boots. I would be really curious to see what would happen if people actually had honest conversations with each other. For instance when they Guy above said that he was "more friendly when hungover" (seriously dude, seriously?), I wish the girl would have really questioned this statement; would have really dug into why this guy is so happy when dehydrated and feeling like shit. His statement sounded like some "opposite-day" gamey bullshit to me. I mean, who really enjoys a hangover? That is why there are numerous things that have been invented to make it GO AWAY.

My point is that I feel like things could be so much cooler and interesting if people were just themselves, myself included. It's hard when you have been conditioned for years to smile and nod at crazy people when they are telling you absurd shit; I feel this is in order not to hurt their feelings or be the catalyst of their psychotic break. I personally don't want to get punched in the face and I strongly feel that this could have happened to me a million times if I said what was actually on my mind most of the time. To be honest or not? Hmm... it's a debate within myself yet to be determined....

I just don't know what to do with myself.

You know what is hilarious? Let me tell you; when people make accusations and/or assumptions that have no basis in reality. Unfortunately, this happens all the time! To the point where it becomes simply hilarious. Hilarious in the way that I am imagining taking sick pleasure in maniacally laughing while pulling out large chunks of my hair.

I will recognize and confirm that everyone lives in their own reality; I believe in post-modernism to an extent. However, I will also acknowledge that there are certain things that are simply true or false. For instance, "Little Johnny did slap his brother in the face" versus the alternative of "Little Johnny did NOT slap his little brother in the face." It either happened or it didn't. There is no arguing these kind of things (unless of course you are one of those special people that don't believe in Evolution which is a whole separate topic that would require a completely different blog entry). Anyhow, there is such a thing as absolute truth.

Here is an absolute truth for you: I do certain duties that are part of my job. I do what I have been instructed to do. I screw up sometimes. This is a fact. However, I do not purposely NOT do what I have been contracted to do. As a matter of fact, I have been running out of work to do because I feel like everything that I HAVE to do has been taken care of. I am bored, restless, and looking for things to do. Today I read about Nietzsche and then Greco-Roman pedastry for about an hour just because I had nothing else to do. Right now, I am writing this blog. I don't really have time to blog. Except for at work. Where I should be working.

So just a little while ago, I expressed to one of my coworkers that I was bored at work only to find out that there have been some accusations that Naomi is simply not doing her job. Accusations that I feel are not at all based in reality. If Naomi is bored out of her mind, how can she not be doing her work? If Naomi is constantly volunteering to do random things for the team, would she have an overwhelming workload? You are probably thinking; I could be doing everything except what I have to do. This is true, I could be doing this. However, considering I am already under the microscope in a big way, I am not going to purposely screw up by not doing what I need to do to retain employment/money/life/survival.

So, this brings me back to people that live in a world of their own making. This is okay. It's quite alright to live in a world where you adore peanut butter cookies, enjoy showing copious amounts of cleavage, love your pet gerbil, and are not a big fan of me. I'm cool with that. However, if part of your reality is based in false information you have created that I am not doing my job because you simply don't like me is NOT okay.

What can I do about this situation you ask? Oh, I have already tried to do several things. But here is the problem with people that don't live in everyone else's reality; they are not rational. You cannot reason with them or convince anything other than the original image in their head. Take Bush for instance; no matter how much information he got, he would never change his mind. Even if someone made the most compelling argument ever spoken, it would be ignored if it didn't align with his original thought process. Dichotomous thinking rules the little squigglies in their brain. You are either with them or against them. If it bruises their ego in any way, you can count on their dissent. You are either good or bad, rain or shine, right or wrong, black or or white.

How people got this way would be a great thing to know. Maybe we could prevent dichotomous thinking in future generations. Was it overly coddling mommies? Is it a genetic defect? Is it family that told them things like they were great singers when they sounded like a hoarse Kermit (see any American Idol try-outs). Friends that convinced them they were great leaders when they couldn't even formulate a proper sentence (parenthetical explanation not needed...).

Ah well. What can you do? Changing people is more than likely a losing battle. It definitely makes me feel better to know that these people are simply crazy and it's not to be taken personally. All you can do is take things in stride, laugh and smile...... HA! You think I actually mean that? On a more serious note, I am going to a Pilates class tonight for the first time in over a year because I think I might implode if I don't. It's either that or pulling out those large chunks of hair...

the easy-information-finding internet

Oh boy. I'm feeling like a major Cyberstalker. It's just sooooooo unbelievably easy to find information about people on the internet; it's like a chocolate cake (fresh out of the oven) just sitting by your bedside. Way too convenient.

Okay, so here is the deal; I have a little crush on someone that I don't know very well. I work with him, but not directly. So, what's the best way to get to know him? Ask him out? Get to know him better? Gradually let things happen? Oh no. This doesn't even register. My brain automatically goes to a few things: Google, Facebook, Myspace, etc. THIS WAY, you can find out if they are crazy/cool/interesting before trying to actually get to know them like a normal human being (used to do).

So, of course, I have looked this guy up and found out a couple things including a myspace music page and his blog. From these social networking sites I have discovered that my crush is: an articulate writer, a musician, very passionate about music, likes to curse a fair amount, I know the state where he is from, and I'm guessing he is probably single.

I feel so guilty about knowing these things!! I should not know that this guy is an articulate writer before hanging out with him, you know? What a fucking weird internet world we live in! Maybe this is the new way of the world, but it just feels kind of backwards. I really need to refrain from internet stalking but it's hard. Really hard. Why? Because it is in your face all the time, every day, and with no consequences. I fear that we are ruining relationships, and/or maybe idealizing them, before they can even begin by these easy cyber-interactions. Or, as in my case, "cybobservations."

Well, that's my deep thought for the day. Don't internet stalk. It's bad. Hmmkay.

be good to your bartender

After hitting up the Clinton Street pub and having a great time chatting and having a beer, Kate, Mary and I decided to go to the more "posh" Doug Fir and see some music in celebration of ol' Saint Patty's day. We arrived to find Mary's boyfriend, Drew, at the corner of the upstairs bar. After a few minutes observing the scene, it appeared that the bartender was severely annoyed with Drew and his friends for whatever reason. Drew kept apologizing for "bugging" the bartender. When Drew ordered 3 Mojitos for us gals, I thought the bartender was surely going to say something snide. But, he kept his mouth shut and just shot us a dirty look. YES, Mojitos are a lot of work to make (muddle, sugar, lime, mint, etc.) but this bar was NOT that crowded. Not to mention, it's your job and you might get hooked up (tips) if your attitude doesn't suck. Well, despite the amount of work this Mojito took, it tasted like crap. It was one of the most bland tasting Mojitos I have ever had.

Later on in this Doug Fir chapter, we were downstairs watching some live music and all of a sudden, I started to feel some immense stomach pains followed by nausea. I immediately went upstairs and puked up every thing I had eaten that day. Including some spicy Ethiopian food that does NOT pleasantly burn your throat when coming the other way. I went downstairs to tell the gals that I had to get out of this place, and Kate was feeling equally as bad. She was not as nauseated, but was having some very unpleasant symptoms right after our "Mojito." We left, walked outside to my car and chatted about how crappy we felt.

Just for the record, my puking didn't stop at the Doug Fir. By the time I got in bed, I could barely swallow. Kate stayed up watching LOST while trying to eat some food because she felt like she needed to get something in her system in order to avoid feeling crappy the next day.

The moral of the story here: I don't know what happened before we got there, but that bartender was pissed. And that mother-effer took it out on us with some magically poisoned rum or something. Ugh.

The other lesson though: Portland/Oregon service industry workers can really be shitty. If you act like that in the South, your ass is not going to get any kind of a tip. I come from a culture of people that will tip you extremely well, over the top even, if you have a good attitude. Even if your service is sub-par but you have a good attitude, you will be compensated well. But, if you are not even remotely friendly or pleasant, no tip for you. And being blatantly rude to a customer is a BIG no no! One would think that if you are in a recession, you would be extra polite and provide a great product/service in order to survive and keep customers. But, apparently some people enjoy that kind of behavior. Or just accept it. It's simply ridiculous to me.

For the record, I am yelping the hell out of the Doug Fir.

I just don't understand why it is so hard to simply be friendly in this world. You don't have to be over the top or even talk. Just NOT be a pill. Oh, and not poison people either.

Keeping up with "slutty" expectations

As some of you may or may not know, as of late, my blog has been referred to as "slutty." This is a comment I see as completely asinine but decided to turn lemons into lemonade by posting this fabulous picture of a waxing studio in Corvallis, aka home of the "Beavers!" Maggie and Ben, this one is especially for you two! Not to mention, you are both one of the few peeps who even read this damn blog! haha

I had a marvelous past weekend in Corvallis with my homies, Kelly and Ben. Corvallis is a super cute town with very friendly people. Some of them might neglect their armpits every once in a while or have a peculiar sense of decoration-style (compared to "posh" Portland coffee shops), but it is a very wholesome and comforting place to be.

In all of my genius glory, I decided to roll the window down in Kelly's car during a rainy ride to Eugene. Kelly's passenger side window hasn't rolled up since 2003 or something. Well, of course I neglected to remember this fact. Kelly wasn't very happy about this and scared me a little. She sort of got the mom voice with me. It's been a while since I have felt so guilty, haha. So, this resulted in myself using super-power muscles to pull her window back up. I really don't know how I did it but I figured, if some random dude in an OHSU parking lot can do it, so can I. We stopped in the middle of no-where and Kelly took these pictures of me straining to conquer a window.















Well, we ended up getting the window up to the best of our ability. Crisis averted. Anyhow, I
must go work out now with Maggizle (otherwise known as Gizzle on the blog circuit) and hope all is well with anyone who is taking the time to read this!!

adults?

I have an enormous headache today after last night's dance party. I was sitting down on the couch at the end of the night, and was getting the spins where you have to open your eyes really wide in order not to have a seizure or something. It's like a mini-unpleasant orgasm feeling. Does anyone know what I am talking about?

Right. Anyhow, every time I wake up with a hangover like this, it makes me feel like I am resorting back to college behavior or something. When I was in college, I thought that part of my entry into adulthood would include not being hungover anymore. I don't know why, I guess I just had this romanticized fantasy that hangovers would be replaced with gardening and burping babies or something. I maybe thought that after college, I would not have a need/desire to drink anymore because life would be so busy and full of sparkly and important things.

It's not that life isn't full of important things right now, don't get me wrong. I just always thought hangovers were for college students. That's all.

Well, now I am going to hopefully make my way to Pine State Biscuits where I will acquire a large mason jar of sweet tea and some greasy biscuits to make myself feel better. It's a few steps above the collegiate Bojangles run......

It's the plague!

Everyone and their mom is sick right now. People in my office are dropping like flies. And more importantly, I feel like shit now. My head is throbbing, I am having temperature changes, my nose is stuffy, and I am hocking up questionable microorganisms from my throat. This sucks. It scares me, too. I think about all those movies about incurable viruses and then the current threats that one of these days, the common cold virus is going to mutate into a big dragon beast that consumes everyone with a less-than-perfect immune system. Someone let me know when the dragon is coming so I can go and do a bunch of crazy and inappropriate things before I die!

Dating.

Dating: It's a word that many people associate with things like romantic dinners, chocolates and fantasies of that first kiss on your doorstep. Many think of the exciting challenges of dating such as anticipating phone calls, picking out what you are going to wear, or formulating the perfect getting-to-know-you date with that special person you are crooning over.

For others, (such as myself) it's a word that bubbles up unpleasant emotions like fear, anxiety, and insecurity; memories of awkward silences, kisses you pray will end, and the phone call you never receive plague my mind when I think of DATING. I have dated a lot. A LOT. I can't say the same about serious relationships, but I have had a lot of those awkward dating moments. I have had some pleasant ones, too of course. However, I am just trying to wrap my mind around this whole dating thing because somehow things still are not working for me in the men department......

Some say to me, "oh Naomi, you just haven't found the right guy." Others are like, "you know, you might be a little too picky." Others are convinced that I simply "want the aloof ones, the ones that I can't have." And even more, others have told me that I "scare guys away with my independence." (hahahaha!).

I had a therapist once who told me that I should just go on a date with anyone that asks me simply for practice. Of course I wouldn't go out with them if they were revolting or a horrible person, but she was convinced that what would be good for me would be practice. So, I have more or less taken that philosophy and run with it since then. I mean, why not? You never know what someone is like until you give them a chance! Lots of times I was happy for that practice and started to feel more comfortable and confident in those awkward situations........ HOWEVER, this philosophy has often times gotten me into an awkward mess of giving someone multiple chances that I know I truly don't like and then making them very sad in the end by letting this go on too long. On the contrary, there is the dating scenario where I give an identified male LOTS of chances that I know deep down probably is not good for me and/or treats me crappy and he and he ends up making ME very, very sad.

Whatever happened to that book "The Rules?" I really feel as though I need that book right now. I need some strict guidelines or something for "fool-proof" dating. I am tired of making bad decisions that end up breaking my heart or someone else's! I am so confused!

This is what my brain looks like on dating (and probably many other neurotic females' brains):

Does he like me? Do I like him? Do I want to have sex with him? Is he a good conversationalist? Is the size of his hands going to be a problem? Should I call him first? Should I let him chase me and call me? Guys like to be chased right? What if he doesn't know that I am interested? So now maybe should I call him first? Ew, is that gel in his hair? Should I have hit on him? Should girls hit on men? If a guy is not hitting on me does that mean he's "just not that into me?" What does that text mean that he just sent? Why did he text and not call? Why didn't he ask me a question over text and just respond with a one word answer? Do no questions mean he is ending the texting conversation and doesn't care how I am? Why didn't he look at me when I walked into the room? Does my hair look shitty? Can he see my muffin top? Does it mean that he likes me when he pays for my lunch? Or was it just because I was talking about how broke I was? Is he looking me in the eyes because he likes me or is simply confident or maybe both? Should I be playing harder to get? Am I being too easy? Am I acting too interested? Am I acting interested enough? Does it mean he doesn't like me when he texts me back instead of returning my phone call? Does it mean we are done for good if he cancels plans? Should I give him another chance if he cancels plans? Does it mean I don't like him if I don't want to make out with him right now? Does it mean he doesn't respect me if he tries to make out with me after the first date or two? Does it mean I don't like him if I don't feel like paying attention to what he is saying at the moment? Does it mean I don't like him if I don't miss him or want to text him all the time? Does it mean I don't like him if I would rather spend time alone than with him? Is it wrong to really detest small hands?

This is my dating experience: a nightmare of neuroticisms and insecurties. I can only hope that I am not alone. Now you can leave this blog entry feeling better about yourselves knowing that either I am more crazy than you are or that you have a partner in the craziness. I don't really know what to do about all of this dating madness and my instinctual reaction is to remove myself from it completely. But, everytime I make a conscious effort to remove myself, some gentleman comes along and I feel the need to just "give it a shot."

Oh baby Jesus, please help my fucked up soul.....

So Ronery

What do you know? It's Monday night and I am still in Portland with two more days to go. Oh Baby Jesus, please let me make it home. I am particularly sad knowing that a group of my friends are out having drinks right now without me. All of us girls were actually able to get together and they are going to be there while my ass is here. Alone. Bored. and Cold. Boo.

So, I actually made it out of the house today and did some things with friends which was more than I expected. I did conquer the Bolognese! I just finished it and now I can't move off the couch to even clean it up. I made the semi-mistake earlier tonight of taking this guy up on hanging out. This particular fellow and I had been on a few dates and on our third date I realized the chemistry, shit-giving, connection, whatever you want to call it just wasn't there. So, I let him know a little while after my passive aggressive stage of avoiding emails and texts that I just wasn't feeling it. His response? He told me that if I ever wanted to hang out with no pressure, no strings attached, that was no problem. "Awesome" I thought. This could be a bonifide booty call if I feel like having one. That's right.

So, tonight when he wanted to hang out, I invited him over to watch some Mad Men. Turns out, with or without strings, there was nothing there between us. To the point of being pretty damn awkward. Lack of conversation, no laughs at my (obviously) funny jokes, and no desire for a 'bonifide booty call.'

Oh well. I think situations like this are why I end up simply hanging out by myself. It's just easier. Not awkward and/or forced. Why am I in mental health again? Why do I work with people? The other day someone called me a "people person." God, what a joke. I feel like a total misanthrope more than half of the time I have interactions with human kind. Ah well. I'm getting sleepy from spaghetti and must rest my head.

And I'm out.....

stuck so fuck (it)

So, my fears have come to fruition. I am stuck in Portland. If Mother Nature cooperates (so far she's been a mega-bitch but I have hope....), I will be on a flight on Christmas Eve Day. Bustin' up in NC like Santa Clause without a sleigh.

So far, I have been attempting to make 'lemonade out of lemons.' It's ended up being more like Mike's Hard Lemonade except not the kind of booze you steal from a bunch of high school kids. Remember Zima? This is very similar to Mike's Hard Lemonade methinks. I think I puked after drinking a few in high school purely from the sugar content alone. Gross.


Anyhoo, I went to my friend Katie's yesterday and we had a super-awesome time. That is, after I had about a 4 hour pity party for myself and complained to everyone I could get on the phone or via text message. Then, I simply started boozing it up. Nothing works better than drowning your sorrows in a bottle of Cabernet..... or Cote Du Rhone.... or some Rum.... or all three works great, too! The night ended with me falling asleep (errr... passing out) on hold with Southwest airlines to see if I could book an earlier flight or just charm my way into standby. I found the phone open on the pillow next to me this morning. 10 points for Rum. 0 points for Naomi.

Katie and I also watched the first few episodes of the new show, "Mad Men." I have to say, I am totally hooked. That show is pretty sweet and I can't wait to see what happens in this virtual world of Manhattan advertisement in the 50's. While at the Meridian (which was packed btw), Katie told this hilarious story about how she somehow manipulated her evil ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend to make out with her ex-boyfriend's sister (neither one of them knew that eacother were related to the boyfriend at the time). Best story of revenge ever!! Too bad Katie was half passed out during all the debauchery...



Wow, I am realizing while writing this what a bunch of drunks our generation is. I think we just like to enjoy ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that! right? right? right? right? right?

Well, two more days to go until I get out of this snow-hell. I think I am good on snow for a long time. Fuck. this. shit. Seriously. So, today I am going to try and be as positive and happy-go-lucky as possible which we all know is an enormous challenge for me as I thrive off of misery and self deprication. Not really but kind of. I think I am going to brave a authentic spaghetti bolognese from an Italian cookbook that my stepmom and I found (which, btw, I will purchasing on my credit card because I am slowly running out of money due to this unexpected weather...). It is going to take about 4 hours to cook this Bolognese!!! Do I have anything better to do? NO!! So why not make a four hour bolognese??

It's really not that bad here. I kid, I kid. I just wanna go home and see my mommy. That's all really. Wish me luck. My negative ass needs it.

Panic attack ahhhhh!

So, I am supposed to go to Raleigh tomorrow and what do you know? It just so happens that in Portland we are getting more snow than in 10 years or something like that! Well, I have been watching the news and having more and more reasons to have multiple panic attacks. "cancellations till Tuesday, Southwest (my airline) canceling flights, freezing rain on top of feet of snow, "flight catching on fire in Denver" (the airport I connect at..... AHHHH! I can't stop watching the news and it is making me feel like an old granny complaining about every worry under the sun.

I am going to be super bummed if I don't get out of this town really soon. First of all, I have no food and no more money. I spent it all on Christmas presents with the intention of just eating at my mom's house for the rest of the month! I know.... total mooching 28 yr. old child. But, being broke is no joke. Christmas when you are poor, however is a joke.

Most importantly, I am really missing home right now. I just want to go back to the south. I can't tell you why but sometimes I really miss that assbackwards place. There might be a lot of stupid people there but there are less pretentious ones which I feel like I can appreciate at this moment in my life. I feel like lately I have been surrounded by people who think they are so smart, hip, interesting, and amazing. Maybe this is just people in general, but I do think it can be the side effect of living in a city. Everyone is competing with each other. Everyone wants to be the most fashionable, the most well-read, the most artistic, and the most "functional." Witnessing all of this competing gives me a goddamn headache. So, what ends up happening? I stay home. I spend a lot of time alone. And strangely enough, I like it. I have found lately that sometimes I am happiest when completely by myself with no expectations from anyone or anything at all. Maybe I am avoiding the world and all it's woes, but at least I am finding contentment somewhere..... even if it is alone at the moment.

So tomorrow I am going to have to gear up, ride the bus to the Max line and the Max line to the airport. That is, if my flight is still leaving PDX. I am not going to lie; I'm a little scared. This snow is no joke. I am packing my waterproof pants, face mask, extra socks, layering up, and bringing a variety of food. But I am even more scared of not being able to get home. I can only hope that I make soon.... I am really looking forward to seeing my mom and friends this week. And being in a place that is maybe a little less pretentious and a little more fun.

scroogie schmooge.

You know what? When you are broke as shit, Christmas can suck. I wish I was Mr. Hanky and could just poo on Christmas.

The end.

A Plan

I have to say that for the last few months, I have been a bit down in the dumps. It's not because of the one-hundredth guy that didn't work out, not because I'm broke (though that doesn't help), or any general human behavior that tends to chap my ass. It's because that notorious question kept lingering; What am I going to do with my life?

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I finally have a plan. I have decided that I am going to start taking prerequisites to get into a speech pathology program either at PSU or U of O. I had wanted to go this route for a long time but money, time it takes to get a degree, and just not being sure what I wanted to do has held me back. I don't really know how I am going to pay for all of this but fuck it, I will figure it out. There is always hookin.' There are also loans, scholarships, financial aid (apparently a lot of it for older people like me), and if I am really, really lucky I can score an assistant-ship where my tuition will be paid for. God, that would be amazing. It might end up taking a long time for me to complete all of this but it feels really good to have direction.

It was really getting to me to feel like I was in a rut with no way out. My financial situation is crappy, can't find a new job to save my life (and finances), and every day at work is increasingly annoying. Doing social work for the rest of my life would be the equivalent of poking a fork in my eye for a living. I am really growing to despise it. ANd it bores me. "Oh look, it's another dysfunctional person that can't take care of their kids or accept advice." Same shit, different day. I love the kids, hate all the rest. And sometimes the kids are hard to love when they are throwing rocks at you (there was a recent rock throwing crisis at me in the company van while following a kid that was trying to run away).

I do have to say though; now that I know this isn't going to be my forever job, it makes it easier to do it. I am not as negative and whiny about it.

Anyhoo, this blog entry probably really isn't that interesting to you, but damn, having a plan makes the mental clouds part A LOT. Seriously.

On a Budget Schmudget

I think there is a line in a 90's song by Everclear (who I find usually pretty LAME) that says something along the lines of "if you say money is the root of all evil you've obviously never been poor." I know that is not the exact line, but it's the concept.

So, true I must say. After working for many years in the mental health field with people who struggle to make ends meet, you find that "therapeutic interventions" can only go so far if basic needs aren't even being met.

That being said, when you find yourself in a financial bind, there are some things that one can do for entertainment that do not cost much money. Exhibit A:

The New 90210: Not only are there new, rich, bitchy, good looking characters to stare at and live vicariously through, but some of the old-golden bitches are back! Brenda is back to her old ways; trying to sleep with Kelly's sloppy seconds AGAIN! My personal favorite thing though is that there is a character who is most definitely classified as the "bitchiest" (and probably the smartest) named Naomi. This makes me proud. Nobody puts Naomi in the corner.

Yes, I know it's trash. Yes, I know the dialogue is HORRIBLE. Yes, I know that it is a show for teens that focuses on fashion and all the girls are rail thin. I know it's bad. But, when my roomie and I watched it once, we were immediate fans! It's total crack. I can't stop staring at the beautiful people with so much money and no REAL problems! I am ashamed of myself and using my budget as an excuse.

Truthfully, I don't really have any other budget ideas I would like to share at this time. I just had to confess my new obsession to something other than a real live human in order to escape the disgusted face they would make at me :)

Interviews..... ahhhhh!

So, for the hundreth time (it feels), I had an interview this morning. No matter how much I prepare, it always is nerve wrecking for me. This time, I literally wrote out all the answers to questions that I could have been asked. I felt pretty darn prepared. But, then I get to these things and feel like my head is going to explode. They ask me questions and I end up sounding like an overly-positive-bullshitting buffoon. I mean, how am I supposed to give you a demonstration of how I would utilize my "time management skills" if I don't know what the hell it is I am supposed to be doing in this position, this "pretend" position in my mind? I always walk out of these interviews feeling already defeated; feeling like I didn't answer the questions correctly or with enough detail. Ahhhhhh, the analyzation is driving me crazy......

Obamayay!

Yay! I didn't think this would actually happen, but it did! What a wonderful night it was.... I was at my friend Katie's watching her make 12 pounds of potato salad and preparing to go to a local bar to hear the coverage and BAM! Who is on the radio conceding but none other than John McCain! We just started screaming! McCain's speech was quite impressive though; he seems a lot more gracious and supportive of Obama than his supporters.

The scene in Portland was just bubbling over in enthusiasm for our new president. People yelling in the streets, honking their horns, setting off fireworks! We ended up at the Aalto to watch his acceptance speech and have some celebatory drinks; there were plenty of tears shed and strangers clinking beer glasses during and after his amazing speech. It really was quite a beautiful scene. Even for the biggest of cynics....

Really?

Why people? Why? She shoots Moose for fun yet does not believe in abortion for rape victims. This is irony if I have ever witnessed it. Moreover, I have way more "foreign policy" experience than this ex-pageant queenie. Ew! She was in a pageant! Do you remember how gross those people were in high school? It's the same deal here folks!

I guess I am just having a reaction to a woman telling me that she really likes Sarah Palin. This female is a pretty intelligent woman at that. I just don't get it.... How can an intelligent woman be down with another woman saying things like "six pack Joe." Or saying things like Obama affiliates with terrorists? Please give me a break. Obama is running for president; do you really think that he would have got the nomination if he "affiliated with terrorists?" That's ridiculous. And on the "six pack Joe" phenomenon, I can somewhat understand trying to relate to people of a different "culture," but this is just blatant dumbing down to the public. But then again, certain members of our public seem to love being dumbed down to. Maybe that says more about them than Sarah Palin. I guess she is just playing the old game. Good for her for being stupid to get votes!

Either way, if Hillary was dead, she would be rolling over in her grave right now.
And seriously? What is up with the hairdo? I am tired of seeing a bee hive in the 21st century. That's right, I am taking stabs anywhere I can.

"He needs to see some poo."

Oh boy today started off weird and it's not even 10 am yet! So, as you may or may not know, Maggie and I live off a very busy road. There is a lot of traffic, not to mention foot traffic. Translation: homeless traffic. We have a very large, awesome backyard that apparently just beckons people to it. So, occasionally the Mags and I will find things like empty food containers or other misplaced items in our backyard the next morning. It's a little creepy for me to realize that there was a stranger right outside my window in the middle of the night. Not so comforting.

As a result of the mini-presents we have been left (mostly garbage and such) we have "encouraged" our landlord to get started on that fence he has been talking about for almost a year now. No matter how many times we have told him about separate instances, there has been no talk/movement on that fence. He has come over and we've talked about "fence lines" but no calls to tell us, "coming over on the blankity blank to build that fence."

Well, this morning I was lounging at the crib and let Cheeky out to play in the yard and noticed that there was a seemingly empty white plastic bag on our sidewalk (to the back door). Well, as I bent down to pick it up I saw poo........... everywhere! It was all over the bag and bit and pieces on the sidewalk. Groooossssssssssssss!

Okay, so my first thought was; someone left their doggie-poo bag in our backyard (versus our accessible trash can) and just haphazardly threw it; then maybe an animal got a hold of it. However it was later that I noticed that our garden hose was not in it's place; where I always leave it. It was just thrown on the sidewalk next to the poo stains. Oh the horror! Someone must have taken a dump in a bag?! Dumped it on our sidewalk?! Tried to clean themselves and/or the poo with the hose?! Oh the horror......

Oh baby Jesus we need a fence. I can't have people taking dumps outside my window while I am slumbering in peace. So, after consulting with the Mags, I am going to call my landlord and see what he wants to do. Maybe mention the fence again for the millionth time. Oh and see if he can clean up the poo stains. I think he need to see some poo.

Let's diagnose you!

Today I stayed home sick. Yes, I was legitimately sick. During the whole of the day, I went outside once for about 10 minutes (to eat my lunch in the sun), checked my email several times, but mainly laid in my bed and slept. It is 7:15pm right now and the only social contact I have had has been with my roommate Maggie ever since she got home around 6:30. And, I have to say; having no social contact with anyone all day has been great! No polite smiles to strangers, no pleasantries to coworkers on the sidewalks, no double checks on my sweater to see if someone saw that I spilled food on it again, and no driving anxiety which often necessitates the giving of the bird to some reckless jack-ass. No, I was forced to do none of these things today because of my simple hermitage. Does this make me prone to agoraphobia? Or maybe true misanthropy? I mean, I always been deeply disturbed by the actions of many people and felt a general apathy towards lots of people. And if I am a misanthrope does that I mean I am a sociopath? Can I actually truly relate to people or is it just a pretend game to accomplish a means to an end? Sociopaths are usually serial killers, too..... uh oh. Am I going to be the next Bay Harbor Butcher? Whoa guys, this is a serious thought. I mean seriously, do I need medication? Should I see a therapist?

Hell no.

Not that I shouldn't see a therapist for other reasons. Actually I think everyone could benefit from going to talk to someone and gaining insight on themselves. But, back to the main idea here; diagnosing others.

Which brings me to my next monologue.....

Although I was a psychology major and work in mental health, I can't stand it when people in my field (mental health and/or social work) try to diagnose EVERYTHING. It's so obnoxious. First of all, in order to diagnose someone you have to gather lots of information and truly understand that person's motivations, emotions, and actions. That is an extremely tall order. Even with the schooling and education on diagnosing, different psychologists notoriously have different diagnoses for the SAME person because you know what? They are human and every individual has their own interpretations of reality. I find that a lot of therapists and mental health workers spend endless amounts of time trying to figure out the diagnosis of a person while simultaneously limiting their efforts in thinking about what they can do to help this person move forward, be more functional. I find it really repulsive that they are constantly feeding their "knowledge ego" (you know.... "I know more than you" ego) while forgetting what it is they are actually supposed to be doing professionally: helping someone.

Also, diagnosing someone is a label. A label that might enable or disable that person later on in life depending how the cookie crumbles. It is serious business. A lot of mental health providers that are so used to slapping labels and explanations on everything that they become desensitized to this process.

Anyhow, I am going to get off my soapbox now and leave you with a picture from one of my favorite movies regarding "mental health."

You know, maybe I really am a misanthrope but chances are that all my friends are too at one moment or another. Everyone has varying emotions, motivations and actions depending on the day. The only constant in life is change.

Brain Explosion and Other Issues

I have a massive headache and it feels like I just need to pump some water into my brain so that it will float a little better. Then maybe it would not feel like my brains are being slowly pushed out of my skull. Hmmm... I wonder what actually causes headaches. If you know, please share.

So, I am going through quite a crisis in my home life: I have two roommates who absolutely hate each other and both just love me. I try to get them together during calm times and encourage them to get along but it just doesn't work. They stare each other down and won't stay in the same room with each other for more than five minutes. They are constantly stealing one another's food and having spats over where they are going to sit in the living room. It really is getting quite redundant. It's started to make me very aware of dividing my attentions between them, too. I feel like if I spend time with one roommate, then I need to spend equal time with the other roommate so that jealousy doesn't ensue. So frustrating! And just when I think things might be getting better (like we have a few good days/moments), I hear them fighting and have to run over from where ever I am to break it up! I just hope they don't draw blood one day......

What can I say? Kitty and Chloe just have so much love to give and want to give it all to me! I don't understand why we all can't just be one happy family. Cats; they are so Alpha-ish..... all of them! Just Ridiculous. I love them though; they are such fascinating, beautiful and hilarious creatures.